i'm so tired of same and same and same and same

this stream of consciousness is killing me i don’t know how to survive in everything i do no matter how true and passionate and real i lose a part of myself i’m losing me my heart mind soul truth all that’s left is shell body if i’m not careful i’ll lose him lose love too then there will be nothing holding up the case that used to hold me so empty empty empty nothingness is my core and i feed off it and it spreads through me consuming everything all i have want need ever had might someday be gone

use what you know photograph it examine it tear it to pieces so you know what’s inside of it all i know is words and those the eye cannot capture cannot see i don’t see can’t see won’t see you’re not there even though you swore promised to be foreveralways here with me i am alone a lone lone lonely loneliness lifeless hopeless nothing

my heart escaped my chest when it still mattered before i fell apart it could sense what was coming like birds before a hurricane thunderstorm tornado disaster my mind is my soul is i am disaster in its purest form mundanity destroys me and i try try try so hard but sometimes i lose everything i worked for and more like the turtle who climbs eight feet each day and slides back six each night in those elementary school math problems except backwards because i fall farther than i climbed at the beginning

sometimes it’s even backwards again when i build myself up at night then the day comes the sun rises the stars fade and the light burns holes through my paperthin cover and what was inside splits and divides and turns to little threads of almost-me that wear away like an old map exposed to sunlight for the first time in a hundred years and i disintegrate and i am

gone

…stargrl

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